By this point, everyone in my life who has taken the time to talk to me in the last few months knows we are moving to Colorado in May. What most people don’t know, however, is that I’m actually having a very difficult time embracing this move.
At the ripe old age of 25, I’ve moved more times than years I’ve taken up space on our sweet Mother Earth. This includes four international moves (two out of the US and two back to the homeland), a few out-of-state moves, and umpteen moves around my old Kentucky home. I’ve always been very easy going about picking up and going again, but this time it’s different. This time I’m moving for my husband’s job instead of my own.
We agreed before we got married that whoever had the better opportunity and needed to relocate for work, the other would happily follow. Austin held up his end of the deal without hesitation when I was offered a job in Australia, and now it’s my turn to do the same. I’m quickly learning how selfless I am not.
When we made our move back to Kentucky from the Gold Coast, we thought we would be here for at least 8-12 months. I had it in my head I would get to catch up on quality time with my family, go out for coffee or drinks with old friends, and build a solid clientele and portfolio before we made our next big move.
This is marriage. Compromise is involved. I signed up for it and I’m embracing it as best I can, but it’s a challenge. I’m the friend that was (and is) coined as Ms. Independent. I seek out opportunities for myself, I get them, I go. End of story. But this move isn’t mine, and I keep finding hard drawn lines in my comfort zone I didn’t know existed. You’ve gotta love a good old fashion learning curve, eh?
I never dreamt I would have such a hard time moving to a new place. I mean, it’s Colorado. Everyone I’ve talked to about it says it’s amazing and that it’s right up my alley. Mountains, good food, sunshine, and recreation out the wazoo! On my good days I’m excited about it all, but when anxiety starts seeping through the cracks it’s hard to get a handle on everything emotionally.
If you’ve kept up with me over the past year, you know I’ve been pretty open about dealing with anxiety and depression. Before we left Australia at the end of January, it had been almost six months since I was having anxiety attacks regularly. Six months! That was evidently enough time to fool myself into thinking I was over that phase of life. Unfortunately, they have been making more frequent appearances since our most recent move. I’m learning that anxiety is something I will likely live with all throughout my life, with varying degrees of severity and persistence, and I’m becoming more aware of what triggers it. Exhaustion and major life changes are at the top of that list, so you can probably understand why I’m on edge in this season of life.
I don’t doubt that moving to Colorado will be a huge blessing or a helluva good time, but for now, all I can think about is the family I haven’t spent enough time with (if any at all), the friendships that will again be tested through time and distance, and where I will take my brand and business from here. These are selfish concerns, but they’re my concerns nonetheless.
I’m confident I’ll find my way once we get there, but I’m freaking out a little for now.
The life I lead is a good one, but it’s stressful and makes me a sad little nervous wreck sometimes. I try not to sugar coat things or pretend my existence is perfect. So this is an honest update of where I’m at — feeling a bit more humble than lion-esque right now, but I’m grateful for it. The other side will taste that much sweeter when I get there. I’ll check in again soon.
The Humble Lion